It’s not that you can’t feel better…it’s that you don’t trust better.
When you’re upset, it feels like nothing can touch you. Friends try to cheer you up, but their words bounce right off. You shut it down with,
“You don’t understand,” or “I can’t help the way I feel.”
Here’s the thing: you’re not wrong for wanting to sit in your feelings. Pain can feel safer than pretending everything’s okay. But sometimes, without realizing it, you hold on to that pain like proof. Proof that you were hurt, evidence that your feelings are real, proof that you’re not invisible.
And letting it go? That feels scary. Because misery, as heavy as it is, can start to feel familiar. Almost like home.
You’re not broken for feeling this way. You’ve just learned to live with despair for so long that happiness feels foreign. But here’s the truth: you deserve more than the familiar depression. You deserve peace, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.
Such was I. I lived in an abusive marriage for 24 years. When I finally dared to leave, I started reflecting and asked myself,
“Why had I stayed so long?”
In the future, I knew I didn’t want to make the same mistake. I didn’t want to end up in another abusive marriage. So I looked back at my past relationships, and they were all the same. Abusive.
Wow. Who am I? And why am I choosing this path?
That’s when I realized I had an addiction problem. I was addicted to pain—the pain and the drama of the chaos. I was stuck in a cycle, like a revolving door. So I constantly had to remind myself why I was leaving. I had to remind myself that I deserved better and that I should look for someone who was the complete opposite.
And that’s precisely what I did. Today, I stand on the other side of abuse. Stronger, freer, and committed to helping others find their own path out.
Need help?
If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, emotional distress, or abuse, support is available 24/7:
- Addiction Recovery: Call 866-606-0182 or visit our treatment center directory
- Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Dial 988 (free, confidential, 24/7)
- Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 800-799-7233 or text START to 88788
- Sexual Assault Hotline (RAINN): Call 800-656-4673 or visit online.rainn.org
You are not alone. There is help. There is hope. And you are worth the healing.
Yoli's Write To Sanity 