Category: Sibling Sexual Trauma

March 12, 2015

I thought I had accepted my ex husbands lack of communication with my children.  But it does something to a mothers heart when her children come to her crying because Dad won’t answer or return calls nor respond to texts.

Earlier this week we had an emergency involving one of the children and I felt that it would only be the right thing to let “Dad” know what was going on. I called and left him a pleasant message, then texted him asking him to call when he had a chance because there is a child related. Emergency.  He sent me a text that stated, “I’m not calling.”  At this point I’m still calm and understanding because he and I can not be near each other without a fight ensuing. I reminded him that if I was actually willing to speak with him on the phone then it must be pretty serious. His response was, “text it or handle it”.  So I went ahead and texted to horrible news to him.  He said, “I care nothing of what you need to do, handle it” I said, “ok, I’ll pass this on to _____” (the child in this emergency)
His dickhead response was  “whatever”.
I know I need to move forward and move on with my life… And I will, but it’s the stress of dealing with the broken hearts of my children that’s wearing me down. That poor child may never trust a man again. And i don’t blame her. Will I be able to trust again? 

March 10, 2015

I thought that leaving an abusive marriage after 24 years was hard. Even more difficult was when their father refused to reply to the children’s  texts.  But last week threw me a curve ball.  The hardest thing I have yet to  face. The words  I heard coming out of my daughters lips.   Never did I ever imagine it could or would happen to my family.  I knew what I had to do. I knew what the right thing was, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Just because it’s right, Doesn’t make it easy.  I had to make the call. I had to tell them what I knew and what I’ve been told. 

Here I am, newly single mom, sole-provider… Financially, emotionally and any other “ly” necessary. Here I am trying to be strong, yet so broken. I don’t remember the last night I remained sober. Some things you just don’t want to think about or remember.   I have to be strong for my daughter, but yet I know in my heart this means I have lost a son. The pain of knowing the truth isn’t as hard as the pain of the precious memories I have.
I thought about Going to get on antidepressants… But I’m already numb, I already sleep well from mental and physical exhaustion… I don’t need anything that’ll suppress the sex drive… That’s my only release! Oh … To be able to start life over, wouldn’t that be grand?