The past is behind me,

The future is before me;

They are both trying to steal today.

I am one person. Who has been handed everything. It’s time for “everything” to take a number and get in line. It will get done. Maybe not as fast as I or anyone else wants, but it will get done.
I have so many emotions going through me. They are all trying to come out at once. So I am going to attempt to get them out here.
Anger.

I am so angry with myself for hanging on for so long! I’m angry for agreeing to not pursue child-support. I might end up really regretting that later. I’m angry because he upped and left, moving 12 hrs away. The day before our son’s 16th birthday. I’m angry because of all the house repairs I’m left with that he would never fix. And I’m angry because I haven’t won the lottery yet, that sure would come in handy right now.

Overwhelmed.

I am extremely overwhelmed with the load I’ve been handed. The family business, sole provider for our children, taxi service for kids, and so much more, not to mention being a mom. Oh, and Dad, now.

Bitter.

I am bitter & resentful. I have contempt for the father of my children.

Hurt.

I am hurt and empty. So empty. I gave my all. Every ounce of my energy into making the marriage work. For example. I planned an anniversary trip to see his favorite MLB baseball team play a home game. The entire time we were there, it was all about him. I bought the tickets, I paid for the hotel, the gas, everything, souvenirs, etc. I even wrote him a poem, which he shredded in my face on the day after our return home. He gave me nothing for our anniversary. This was 5 days ago. When we got back, he even complained about some very intimate things.

Relieved.

It’s a relief to know he is 12 hours away and I don’t need to worry about him stopping by.
I’m a woman, so I’m entitled to be angry and relieved for the same reason. :)

Everyone asks how I am. I will quote you my exact reply,

“I am a mess. I do not regret my decision. But I am exhausted and overwhelmed. But I will be ok, thanks for asking.”

Coming to the end of this day, at a customer’s house, I was reminded to stop and smell this rose. A beautiful budding yellow rose. My favorite color and favorite flower.