Category: Essays and Reflections

My dysFUNctional family 

many revisions have been necessary along the way, but we are what we are,…

august 2014

It’s nothing to have 8 or more cars in my drive way, and a minimum of 14 people in my house on the weekends. I look out my window and see that the State Trooper has pulled over another speeder. I can’t help but wonder if they are ever suspicious of all the traffic and activity in my home. If they were to enter, they may not have a place to sit, but they could stand next to the other guy standing in the kitchen.
Words like “alone”, “peace”, “empty nest”, “quiet”, and “silence” do not exist in our family dictionary. I do not have a perfect family. We admit and own up to being dysfunctional. I really like what Sarah Palin said one evening when talking about her family. She said, “It works because we want it to”. I may not have the “ideal family”, but what we have works for us. And it is working more smoothly now that we are on our own. Go figure.

I’m proud 

August 2014

I’ve always tried to teach my children to be kind. Help people out who are in need. Tonight my 2 oldest boys made me proud. They noticed a lady stopped on the side of the road with a flat tire (we live on a highway). They took initiative to go out there and assist her. They changed her tire for her. The policeman arrived and stood as an observer. I’m sure my boys made a better impression of helping people then our local “protect and serve” state trooper. This has not been a good day. It has been a GREAT day.

A Good Day

I remember this day very well. We now have a great open relationship. Open about everything except that small period of time when she said she “hated” me. I have not brought it up, she hasn’t apologized, but I often wonder what was going through her mind during that time period.

August 2014
For the first time in over a month my 20yr old daughter spoke to me. When her father and I separated she wrote me a very hateful vicious letter. Said things like “I will never speak to you again, etc”. Last week she went school shopping for her siblings. I never denied her the freedom to continue their relationships.
A few weeks ago I sent her a brief text to remind her that I loved her and care about her and think of her often. Watching her father not make any effort to keep in touch with his younger children showed me how easy it would be for her to take my silence as “I don’t care”.
Today she walked in the house, looked at me and actually held a conversation with me. I am still in a state of shock, but am extremely happy about the progress! This is a good day.

Pretty darn good 

August 2014
Each day presents it’s own set of challenges. Yesterday is the first day I actually felt like I’m getting some normalcy back into my life. I had routine and structure without feeling overwhelmed. The 2 biggest challenges I faced were paying the outrageous summer electric bill and remembering to check the mail. Checking the mail was something my ex did every single day. So, naturally I keep forgetting. And the mail box is way down there at the end of our drive way. If checking the mail was my biggest challenge then I think I’m doing pretty darn good.

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Clouds 

August 2014

I lay on a floatie on the lake, allowing the gentle waves to carry me. Staring up into the sky listening to children play, and waves falling on the shore. I see a big fluffy white cloud. It looks like it is getting closer, so close I thought perhaps it would envelope me. Then for no reason it backed up, drifted away from me and began to dissipate. I laid there sad because it reminded me of my family. I thought to myself, “my family is dissipating right before my eyes. We are all going our separate ways.” As I continued to watch that cloud completely break up I realized something: Once that cloud began to break it allowed the sun to shine through. After the cloud was gone I could see clear blue skies.
Not all things that look and feel bad are bad. Sometimes those bad things make room for the good and right things. This lake helps me every time I come.

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Reflections

Reflections

July 2014

Nothing like a long drive and time near the water to give you time to think and reflect. I just got our vehicle out of the mechanic shop yesterday, and as I’m driving down the road, it is struggling and skipping. (It must be those hoses the mechanic said needed to be changed soon. My thoughts instantly turn to the last thing my son asked me before I left to pick it up from the mechanic,

“Mom, when are you going to get rid of that and get a new one?”

It stung my tenacity. I don’t give up. I believe ANYTHING can be salvaged. Which is precisely why I stayed married for so long. When you invest so much in something, it is difficult to give it up. We just replaced the engine, and now we are fixing everything on the new engine that we already fixed on the old one.

This drive, combined with soothing waters, has led me to consider buying a new vehicle.