I take a big gulp of Guinness. I remember her surprisingly acerbic words. She yelled them across the parking lot. “I hope something absolutely horrible happens to you on the best day of your life!”

It was all I thought of while I drove back to the Wagon Wheel. I did not make it a habit to drink in front of my employees. Yet, I needed to get the shopping trip off my mind. I tried to enjoy my drink. The place lit up as the door opened. I made the mistake of checking who had entered my establishment.

It was them. The gal from the mall with her mom. They sat at the round table near the corner by the pool tables. Mitzi went over, fully ready to ask to see their membership card. I tapped her arm and shook my head no. She knew that we would be making an exception this time.

I followed Mitzi to the back on my way to my office and told her not to let them pay. I would handle it. Mitzi gave me one of her suspicious looks and said she would need an explanation.

Later, when they left, I told Mitzi,

“I went to Dillard’s to get Shiloh and Drake their Christmas presents, and the entire parking lot was full. It was Christmas Eve, and I hadn’t even started shopping yet. I finally saw a handicap spot open up. I justified to myself that I wouldn’t be in there long enough to matter. You know, that is the exact same thinking that cost me my marriage. Cassie used to say I was always too busy rushing to the next thing. I never noticed who I was running over. I guess she was right. A car had been waiting for the same spot. I was closer, so I took it, even though she’d been waiting for it. Anyways, she blared her horn, rolled down her window, and yelled at me. I didn’t realize she had a handicapped person with her. I didn’t even care, honestly. But when I kept running into her at every rack and corner, I thought, here I am. I am an able-bodied man taking a handicap spot. Her handicap spot. More like an able-bodied asshole, that’s what I am. I couldn’t handle it, so I left. I feel like such an idiot. The least I do is pay for their time here.”

Mitzi had a big grin from ear to ear while she was digging through her purse. She pulled out a bundle of sage and handed it to me. I hesitantly reached for it.

“I told them that their meal and drinks were on the house. She told me to tell you to keep your Goddamn money. She also hopes that you need to take a shit when you step out of the shower.” Mitzi was laughing so hard that she had to cross her legs, and her eyes were watering.

The weight of it hit me harder than I expected. She wouldn’t even let me try to make it right. I’d been such a selfish prick that my apology wasn’t worth accepting. Maybe I didn’t deserve her forgiveness.

“What is the sage for?”

“That’s to get rid of their bad JuJu. We don’t need their attitude lingering. There ain’t nothing worse than trying to use toilet paper to wipe shit off a clean wet ass.” Holding her stomach, she turned to leave. “Merry Christmas, John. Give the kids my love.” She swung her hands up to the sky. She bellowed, “May your showers be warm, and your ass stay clean, bahaha!”

I looked down at the silver twigs, held together by handmade twine. I wondered if it works on people, too. If burning sage undoes years of being an asshole. The asshole who takes handicap spots and causes a divorce.