Category: Poetry

The Walls

The Walls

The walls are closing in on me

So fast, their vacuum force is sucking the breath right from my lungs.

I feel trapped.

I feel I can’t breathe.

I feel I can’t move as they get closer and closer.

It’s getting stuffy, almost stifling hot.

The air is thick, and my chest feels heavy.

It’s getting dark, my breaths are shallow.

It’s getting harder and harder to breathe.

I can’t see; there is no light in here.

Total darkness.

They’re moving closer and closer;

I can feel the corners.

It’s pressing on me faster and faster, with increasing urgency.

My arms and legs can’t keep the walls from getting closer.

Trying with all my might, pushing as hard as I can.

I am no match for the strength of these walls.

Walls are supposed to be for our protection

But theses walls are going to be the death of me.

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Trust Issues 

I want to believe I really do,
But trust isn’t something that comes easily
See, everytime guard lets down
My heart gets carried away evilly

I want to trust, I really do,
But trusting means becoming vulnerable
See, if I’m vulnerable, I can be hurt again, and that’s just not tolerable

I want to open up, I really do,
But opening up makes me feel threatened and unguarded
See, feeling threatened and unguarded makes me feel like I’m an open target.

I have trust issues, that’s plain to see
As I work on it, I hope I can be set free.

Seize the day

July 2014

How ironic that I am currently lingering in the same place… Must be a habit😜

Lingering in bed with so much to do
Haven’t enough energy to get out of bed
Lying here, working on my thoughts to subdue

I cling to my pillow and write a poem instead
Push that thought over there, and this one over here
Keeping the ones I don’t want to forget

Lazily, I turn to this day as I peer
Into its list of activities, it bids me to attempt
I calculate the time,e and some will wait,t I fear

I reluctantly releasethe  pillow to begin my ascent
Nothing gets accomplished while lingering amongst sheets
Although their comforting warmth sure does tempt

I arise to face the day and its activities, defeat
Until this evening, my pillow, once again,n to it I’ll retreat

Light in the Tunnel

When your walking through life…

And you feel so alone…

You’ve been crawling around searching for hope …

searching for light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s so dark inside,

you can feel it around you,

squeezing the life out of you.

You can feel the life’s fingers pulling you down…

It’s gripping and pulls you in…

You feel like you can’t go on.
But what you don’t understand is that

when you can’t see the light,

It’s because the light in that tunnel is you.
Turn around, look behind you

See all the people

They are following so closely

They keep searching for light

and the light that they see

is you

at the end of their tunnel..

So
Stand up!

Pick yourself up!

Get off your knees,

You can’t be the light

if you’re crawling around

Stabbing Words

verbal abuse is more harmful than physical abuse

Your words are like stab wounds
Penetrating deeply
As warm blood gently spills
Out into ink
A stab to the arm
No longer able to hold you
Or my babies
A stab to the neck
Where your kisses used to fall
A stab to the leg
So I can no longer run
Run away from you
A stab to my stomach
Where I had this gut feeling
That all of the past would
Eventually come back to haunt
A stab to the chest
I can no longer breathe
A stab to the heart
No more love to be felt
Multiple stab wounds from
Multiple words have left me
Writhing in pain and despair
Breathless and speechless
And no longer a care

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Being vulnerable 

originally written from a Word Prompt…. A few months before my separation in 2014

I penned my heart and soul to you. 

 You grind your teeth and sneer. 

I wrote of love, devotion and friendship. 

You rolled your eyes as you crumpled my paper. 

I poured out my deepest feelings. 

You trampled them to ashes. 

It was 13 years ago yet I remember each detail vividly. 

I stopped writing because of you. 

I recently started writing again, because of you. 

Because of all the pain you caused my bleeding heart. 

Finally I could release my anger, pain, bitterness, fear and resentment. 

I faced them. 

 I faced you. 

You no longer scare me. 

But to share my writings with you leaves me open and vulnerable. 

Why? 

Do I value your opinion that much? 

I guess I do. 

 I want to trust you with my heart. 

 I want to open up. 

But I don’t want to feel so vulnerable or fall prey to your criticism. 

All I seek is your approval and value. 

I need to continue to remember that I am valued and approved by the One higher then you. 

Am I willing to risk being vulnerable to you? 

I want to,
I want to take that risk. 

I am scared. 

I am extremely protective of my heart. 

Maybe with little baby steps I can take the risk and allow myself to be vulnerable. 

 

Vulnerability – Don Charisma’s Prompt http://doncharisma.org/2014/05/07/vulnerability-don-charisma-s-prompt/

To the Trees

To the trees I will sing
To the trees I will scream
You will not see you affecting me

I will sing of love that’s lost
I will scream of what you cost
You will not hear me sing of love to thee

To the trees I will sing
To the trees I will scream
You will not see you affecting me

You will not see you affecting me

I will sing of darkness lit
I will scream of how hard this hit
You will not hear me screaming for you

To the trees I will sing
To the trees I will scream
You will not see you affecting me

You will not see you affecting me
You will not see you afflicting me

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The Conjuring 

The Conjuring 

This is what it feels like or looks like living with an abuser

The conjuring

All around you, they fly
The Demons of your head
To Torment and divide you
Telling you what to think
If you listen, you will sink
Turn them down
They’re screaming your name
On your fear, they feast
The Demons of your head

I can call them by name
Counting them one at a time
They came to greet me
The demons of your head

They’re flying at me
To torment and divide me
Telling me what to think
If I listen, I will sink
Trying to turn them down
As they scream my name
Feasting on my fear
The demons of your head

Your demons are in my head
Flying all around
Tormenting and telling me
What to think
They’re screaming my name
I think I might sink
Your demons are screaming my name

The Past

2014

The past does not define me
But it brought me to this place
Scaring the shit out of me
Making my heart race

The past does not define me
But made me who I am
A broken winged birdie
Flightless, God damn.

The past does not define me
It shows me where I’m at
In prison bars entrapped
A raving insomniac

The past does not define me
But it sure created my life
This life I’ve invested
Paying a great price

The past does not define me
But it sure created my life