A COVER UP

  

I did get the Phoenix tattoo, but it didn’t end up being a cover-up. I still adorn his name but am having a lotus flower designed to cover it instead.

I admit it, I am a “hopeless romantic”. I am also a symbolic person. I like symbols or things that represent special times, places or people. For instance, my very first tattoo was a boyfriends initial “R”. A month or two later I turned it into a flower. My next tattoo was and still is a yellow rose (my favorite) with my “ex” husbands name written in cursive. I’ve had that branded on me for 25 years!
Before he left he asked for my wedding ring back and his last name. The ring was the only thing his mother left him when she passed away. So of course I gave it back. He pawned it. I told him I was not changing my name.
The more I accept that we are no longer a part of each other except for our children (whom he never calls or checks on), the more I begin to think.(you can read my poem “No Longer” http://wp.me/p4kY05-89) The children asked me to keep his last name because it’s their last name. But then there is his name on my body. I want to erase his memory, remember? So I came up with the great idea of getting this tattoo covered up with something new. But what? I thought about something with wings (based on the Poem “Wings: http://wp.me/s4kY05-wings).  I don’t want a butterfly or anything that seemed feminine. I want something that represents strength. Then  this morning I saw it.  The Phoenix.  I knew, “thats it”!

The bird proudly willing to burn,
So that he may live again,
Chooses the flames of fires
That burn the aged Phoenix
The nature stands still
Till a new young bird starts again,
and begins the legend of the Phoenix.

– Claudian (Roman author)

I love what the Phoenix represents, how it will rise from the ashes.(Read “I will rise” http://wp.me/4kY05)

“I flew straight out of heaven, a mad bird full of secrets. I came into being as I came into being. I grew as I grew. I changed as I change. My mind is fire, my soul fire. The cobra wakes and spits fire in my eyes. I rise through ochre smoke into black air enclosed in a shower of stars. I am what I have made. I am the seed of every god, beautiful as evening, hard as light. I am the last four days of yesterday, four screams from the edges of earth – beauty, terror, truth, madness – the Phoenix on his pyre

“A mythical bird that never dies, the Phoenix flies far ahead to the front, always scanning the landscape and distant space. It represents our captivity for vision, for collecting sensory information about our environment and the events unfolding within it. The Phoenix, with its great beauty, creates intense excitement and deathless inspiration.” – Feng Shui Handbook

I may not be able to erase his memory, but I can sure cover-up his name!