Category: Work

April 24, 2015

CONFIDENCE


Suppressing my feelings is nothing new to me. It’s a learned trait. I’ve been doing it for 20 years or more … I hold in my feelings because I don’t want to hurt anyone yet I am breaking and bleeding inside, so instead I hurt myself.

I want to say all that’s on my mind but I fear the outcome. Fear that whatever I’ve been worrying about is really the truth and reality. Maybe I do live in a fantasy world. Maybe I do wish for things that are unattainable.   
Is it too much to ask for stability? Too much to ask for something that my kids can put confidence in?  At this point i feel like I should teach my kids to only put confidence in themselves because everyone else will
disappoint them.   

 

April 23, 2015

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL SINGLE MOM

Too often advice is given that would never be taken.

We often tell people “I would ……. If I were you …..you know what you should do…..”
Realistically speaking we would never actually do those things. 
Since I’ve become a single mother working hard to support my family I receive advice often. But when I stop to really think about what they are saying, and look at their situation, I realize that it is NOT what they would do. 
We, the hard working, single moms of this world, welcome your emotional support. Please do not suggest we do something that you, yourself would not or are not willing to do. You will come across as arrogant. Thank you for your support, when you encourage us and tell us it will get better. We appreciate you dearly.  

   

April 10, 2015

He took her innocence
Shamed her youth
He calls me “mom”
Hurts worse then a broken tooth
He didn’t stop with just one touch
He kept going back
Had her innocence in his clutch
He calls me “mom”
I hear his voice,
see his face
He’s in my dreams
Through my thoughts he does race
He calls me “mom”
I see his sin
I hear her cries
She calls me “mom”
My soul begins to die
They call me “mom”

March 28, 2015

We all do it at one point or another. We build walls to protect ourselves from being hurt.  

When children grow up in an abusive environment they learn to create walls also, for their own protection. 

Such defensive methods may actually ensure surviving emotionally and physically through challenging and threatening times. BUT…Years pass, however, and though we are now safe, these walls and other defensive mechanisms remain, and may sabotage our personal and professional lives. The wall is no longer needed, but it has become habitual. 

Today I am not going to ask or suggest that you break down your walls. Instead I’m going to ask that you take a good look at them. Own them. Admit that they are there. You’ll realize that they are pretty thick and that you can’t see what’s on the other side. 

The walls that were once your protection are now your prison. They are holding you back from moving forward. You have tremendous potential within you.  Look up. Can you see the sun shining? See that blue sky? There’s a whole world on the other side of those walls waiting to meet you.

https://www.facebook.com/abreathofheaven/posts/862695903771894

  

March 12, 2015

I thought I had accepted my ex husbands lack of communication with my children.  But it does something to a mothers heart when her children come to her crying because Dad won’t answer or return calls nor respond to texts.

Earlier this week we had an emergency involving one of the children and I felt that it would only be the right thing to let “Dad” know what was going on. I called and left him a pleasant message, then texted him asking him to call when he had a chance because there is a child related. Emergency.  He sent me a text that stated, “I’m not calling.”  At this point I’m still calm and understanding because he and I can not be near each other without a fight ensuing. I reminded him that if I was actually willing to speak with him on the phone then it must be pretty serious. His response was, “text it or handle it”.  So I went ahead and texted to horrible news to him.  He said, “I care nothing of what you need to do, handle it” I said, “ok, I’ll pass this on to _____” (the child in this emergency)
His dickhead response was  “whatever”.
I know I need to move forward and move on with my life… And I will, but it’s the stress of dealing with the broken hearts of my children that’s wearing me down. That poor child may never trust a man again. And i don’t blame her. Will I be able to trust again? 

March 12, 2015

My (ex)husband made me cry. Brought me to tears. Held me down forcefully. Dared me to succeed. Cursed my name, my existence and the breath I breathed. He watched me try to commit suicide and did nothing. He kept me weak. He was a curse, a reality that I had no friend or security in him, EVER. #comingOutOfTheCloset

March 10, 2015

I thought that leaving an abusive marriage after 24 years was hard. Even more difficult was when their father refused to reply to the children’s  texts.  But last week threw me a curve ball.  The hardest thing I have yet to  face. The words  I heard coming out of my daughters lips.   Never did I ever imagine it could or would happen to my family.  I knew what I had to do. I knew what the right thing was, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Just because it’s right, Doesn’t make it easy.  I had to make the call. I had to tell them what I knew and what I’ve been told. 

Here I am, newly single mom, sole-provider… Financially, emotionally and any other “ly” necessary. Here I am trying to be strong, yet so broken. I don’t remember the last night I remained sober. Some things you just don’t want to think about or remember.   I have to be strong for my daughter, but yet I know in my heart this means I have lost a son. The pain of knowing the truth isn’t as hard as the pain of the precious memories I have.
I thought about Going to get on antidepressants… But I’m already numb, I already sleep well from mental and physical exhaustion… I don’t need anything that’ll suppress the sex drive… That’s my only release! Oh … To be able to start life over, wouldn’t that be grand? 



Can’t Change that

  We cannot change people. And we cannot change events that have happened.
Remembering this helps free my mind. People will be … Well… Human. Events happen that zap the life out of us… I’m done asking why and trying to UNhappen it.
I can only change my outlook and reaction to people and events.
I do not like everything going on around me, but I accept it. It is done. What has been done, is done. What has been said, is said.
So, I get up and continue to move on. Continue to be me. Regardless of random unnecessary events and irrational people.
It’s a good morning, world!

Detours

(JANUARY 8, 2015)
There will often be detours in life. Our problem is that we grumble the entire time about having to take the detour because it wasn’t in our plans, it wasn’t the way we wanted, not the route we intended to take. If we could quiet ourselves for just a moment and open our eyes then we might see that this detour is the scenic route. Look around. It’s a much lovelier view.
Remember detours do not take you away from your destination, they are only an alternate way of getting there.

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January 3, 2015

Since divorce I am learning to become self-reliant in so many areas. Vehicle problems, basement flooding, child behavioral issues, financial struggles and more. Once upon a time these things were shared with a person who made them appear bigger and more problematic then they genuinely were. Money can be made, cars can be fixed, kids turn out ok in the end, and after hours of pumping water the basement will dry.
Being self-reliant is way better then relying on an unreliable person!