He took her innocence
Shamed her youth
He calls me “mom”
Hurts worse then a broken tooth
He didn’t stop with just one touch
He kept going back
Had her innocence in his clutch
He calls me “mom”
I hear his voice,
see his face
He’s in my dreams
Through my thoughts he does race
He calls me “mom”
I see his sin
I hear her cries
She calls me “mom”
My soul begins to die
They call me “mom”
Category: Divorce
March 28, 2015
We all do it at one point or another. We build walls to protect ourselves from being hurt.
When children grow up in an abusive environment they learn to create walls also, for their own protection.
Such defensive methods may actually ensure surviving emotionally and physically through challenging and threatening times. BUT…Years pass, however, and though we are now safe, these walls and other defensive mechanisms remain, and may sabotage our personal and professional lives. The wall is no longer needed, but it has become habitual.
Today I am not going to ask or suggest that you break down your walls. Instead I’m going to ask that you take a good look at them. Own them. Admit that they are there. You’ll realize that they are pretty thick and that you can’t see what’s on the other side.
The walls that were once your protection are now your prison. They are holding you back from moving forward. You have tremendous potential within you. Look up. Can you see the sun shining? See that blue sky? There’s a whole world on the other side of those walls waiting to meet you.
https://www.facebook.com/abreathofheaven/posts/862695903771894
March 12, 2015
I thought I had accepted my ex husbands lack of communication with my children. But it does something to a mothers heart when her children come to her crying because Dad won’t answer or return calls nor respond to texts.
Earlier this week we had an emergency involving one of the children and I felt that it would only be the right thing to let “Dad” know what was going on. I called and left him a pleasant message, then texted him asking him to call when he had a chance because there is a child related. Emergency. He sent me a text that stated, “I’m not calling.” At this point I’m still calm and understanding because he and I can not be near each other without a fight ensuing. I reminded him that if I was actually willing to speak with him on the phone then it must be pretty serious. His response was, “text it or handle it”. So I went ahead and texted to horrible news to him. He said, “I care nothing of what you need to do, handle it” I said, “ok, I’ll pass this on to _____” (the child in this emergency)
His dickhead response was “whatever”.
I know I need to move forward and move on with my life… And I will, but it’s the stress of dealing with the broken hearts of my children that’s wearing me down. That poor child may never trust a man again. And i don’t blame her. Will I be able to trust again?
March 12, 2015
My (ex)husband made me cry. Brought me to tears. Held me down forcefully. Dared me to succeed. Cursed my name, my existence and the breath I breathed. He watched me try to commit suicide and did nothing. He kept me weak. He was a curse, a reality that I had no friend or security in him, EVER. #comingOutOfTheCloset
March 10, 2015
I thought that leaving an abusive marriage after 24 years was hard. Even more difficult was when their father refused to reply to the children’s texts. But last week threw me a curve ball. The hardest thing I have yet to face. The words I heard coming out of my daughters lips. Never did I ever imagine it could or would happen to my family. I knew what I had to do. I knew what the right thing was, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Just because it’s right, Doesn’t make it easy. I had to make the call. I had to tell them what I knew and what I’ve been told.
Here I am, newly single mom, sole-provider… Financially, emotionally and any other “ly” necessary. Here I am trying to be strong, yet so broken. I don’t remember the last night I remained sober. Some things you just don’t want to think about or remember. I have to be strong for my daughter, but yet I know in my heart this means I have lost a son. The pain of knowing the truth isn’t as hard as the pain of the precious memories I have.
I thought about Going to get on antidepressants… But I’m already numb, I already sleep well from mental and physical exhaustion… I don’t need anything that’ll suppress the sex drive… That’s my only release! Oh … To be able to start life over, wouldn’t that be grand?
Death and life
March 2014… After hearing my daughter confess to being sexually molested….
Death and life are both cruel companions death steals our loved ones and the very things we want to keep near us. While life gives us things we do not want, forces things in our face we wish not to see.
I wish it was the other way around I wish death would take the abusers. I wish death would take the murders. I was death would take those that cause pain to people. I wish life would give us a little bit more time with the ones we love. Life is not fair. Neither is death.
Can’t Change that
We cannot change people. And we cannot change events that have happened.
Remembering this helps free my mind. People will be … Well… Human. Events happen that zap the life out of us… I’m done asking why and trying to UNhappen it.
I can only change my outlook and reaction to people and events.
I do not like everything going on around me, but I accept it. It is done. What has been done, is done. What has been said, is said.
So, I get up and continue to move on. Continue to be me. Regardless of random unnecessary events and irrational people.
It’s a good morning, world!
Detours
(JANUARY 8, 2015)
There will often be detours in life. Our problem is that we grumble the entire time about having to take the detour because it wasn’t in our plans, it wasn’t the way we wanted, not the route we intended to take. If we could quiet ourselves for just a moment and open our eyes then we might see that this detour is the scenic route. Look around. It’s a much lovelier view.
Remember detours do not take you away from your destination, they are only an alternate way of getting there.
January 3, 2015
Since divorce I am learning to become self-reliant in so many areas. Vehicle problems, basement flooding, child behavioral issues, financial struggles and more. Once upon a time these things were shared with a person who made them appear bigger and more problematic then they genuinely were. Money can be made, cars can be fixed, kids turn out ok in the end, and after hours of pumping water the basement will dry.
Being self-reliant is way better then relying on an unreliable person!
Life Changer
NOVEMBER 16, 2014
Here is the quote that challenged my thinking in regards to my marriage. I knew this quote was for me the moment I read it. I kept it and would read it several times a day.
End it now! Don’t waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative and abusive. Run for your life as quickly as possible. Life is too short and unpredictable to deal with these emotional vampires, they feed off stressing you out, raising hell and creating drama for you. Their toxic energy will turn your hair gray overnight, cause you to gain weight and rob you of your health. Don’t waste valuable time trying to change them. Change yourself and get them out of your life!
Don’t say a word; leave all of your belongings if you have to in the middle of the night. Cut off all communication. Don’t take their calls. You have heard their Lies before. They will not change. They didn’t choose to change. It’s who they have decided to be.
Move to another city, if you must, and start all over again. Your life is worth it. You deserve to have peace of mind, a great relationship and an exciting life. Watch how dramatically your life will change for the better once you get this burden off your back. The Air you breathe will become fresh and invigorating. You will feel an infusion of exuberance, energy and love for life . With this stifling, suffocating and controlling person out of your life, get ready to live again and be the person that you’ve always wanted to be. Live life in your own terms not having to answer to anyone but yourself. Control your own destiny. You have something special . You have greatness within you.”
-Les Brown
Yoli's Write To Sanity 