WHAT A DAY
I had my day planned, scheduled to be off for the first time in what seemed like forever! I was going to get SO much done!
Morning routines were moving along as usual, a bickering sibling to the other. Perfectly normal stuff.
My son spit his toothpaste into the kitchen sink, but lingered as if he was nauseous. Something wasn’t right. He seemed too lethargic this morning. He went and laid down on the chair in our den. I asked if he was ok, and he barely nodded yes. He was almost non-responsive. So I asked if he was hung-over, he nodded no. Then I asked, “what did you take?” He said he took all of my anxiety pills (20-30) and the rest of his girlfriends Zoloft. I said, “what the hell! Were you trying to kill a yourself???” Then he shook his head yes.
I spent my entire day off in the local emergency room. This was his 2nd attempt in less then a year, to commit suicide. My small town does not have the facilities to deal with this type of thing so they sent him to a specialized hospital 3 hours away. I only get visitation 2 days a week and phone calls on Monday, Wednesday and Friday.
This is definitely not how I had my day planned out.
When the doctor asked him why he wanted to hurt himself I mentioned that it’s been a rough year. Then he spoke up and said “if you knew what we’ve been through this past year then you’d understand. “we
They reassured me that he would see therapists that would help him to deal with the various things we’ve faced this year.
After leaving him to their care I went to my doctor to get my (much needed) anxiety pills refilled. He refused. He didn’t want to be liable.
So here I am. My Bp 180/?? Nothing but liver damaging alcohol to help.
Where’s a therapist for mom?
Everyone talks about “how strong of a woman I am” … I ask, is this what “strong” feels like? I don’t think you would think that if you saw my smeared mascara, and empty tequila bottles.
Life needs to give my family a paid vacation.
Yoli's Write To Sanity 
Go to a different doctor. They can’t just stop giving you anxiety pills- you can die for benzodiazepine withdrawals. Just like alcohol withdrawals. Use the pills while you gather strength- you are going to need it for yourself and your son. And best of luck. Sometimes life just sucks but you will help your son. He needs you. Please message me if you need to talk. My biggest fear for my son is what you are living. And you will get through this.
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Its definitely been challenging
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