I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND 
I went to the doctor today for the first time in 5 years. My blood pressure was high. I’ve NEVER had high blood pressure. So I attribute it to all the stress I’ve been under. I began to give the doctor my excuse and told him why I was stressed. I told him that I am trying to accept that my ex has abandoned my children (I no longer refer to them as “our” children). He proceeded to explain to me that I would never be able to accept it. He said that the way our brains process information is a lot like a locked door and key. He said I am standing at that door trying to understand why the ex is doing what he’s doing, and I do not have the key. So therefore that door of understanding will never be opened. He said you can never understand irrational behavior because it just doesn’t make sense. Although I agreed with most of what he said and how he said it, I do believe that I can accept it. I do not feel like I have to understand the exes reasoning in order to accept what is. I will not accept it in the sense that it’s ok to be that way. But I can and will accept that he IS that way, and “it is what it is”. He left, he does not ask about the children, and he does not try to contact them. I call it abandonment. It is what it is and I accept that. Now I can move forward from here.