I don’t miss him, not really. Then why do I feel these emotions? What are these? Where are they coming from? I don’t want him back. I don’t miss him. Some times I still feel sorry for him.
I want so badly to exceed him. To do and accomplish everything he said I couldn’t. I want him to be lonely and miserable. I don’t want him to succeed. I want him to struggle.
Please forgive my transparency. I don’t want to feel this way. I suppose today as I face the source of my emotions, Its good to be honest.
As my 5yr old comes to check on me, he sees a tear roll down my cheek. He looks at me straight in the eyes, no words spoken. I smile at him real big, he smiles back with a look of relief.
I’m not where I want to be in my emotions and forgiveness of him, but as I keep smiling, I’m letting my family know that I will get there. Just give me time.