about a month after the separation from my ex… Somehow he convinced me to bring him home and “work it out” (for the sake of the kids)

august 2014
I’ve never considered myself as a person having an addictive personality. I’ve done my share of drugs, drinking etc. I’ve always been able to stop when I wanted. Without having withdrawals or extreme needs to go back to it. I’ve always been able to “take it or leave it”.
Things have transpired in the last week to show me that I actually do have an addictive personality. I’m not addicted to substances. I can’t quite put my finger on what to call it. So let me go into a little bit of what has happened.
To make a long story short, my husband is home. Yes, I allowed him back. I know, you don’t have to tell me… I’m insane. I’ve already questioned myself over and over. What was I thinking? Don’t get me wrong, he is being kind and sweet and all that goes along with making up after any fight, but I know in my heart I can’t give him that 100% that is necessary to make a relationship work. But I see the joy in my children’s face now that their Dad is home. I buckled. I caved in. I think about how clean my house will be again. I think about how I hate being alone. I think I’m addicted to my struggle.