March 28, 2015

We all do it at one point or another. We build walls to protect ourselves from being hurt.

When children grow up in an abusive environment they learn to create walls also, for their own protection.

Such defensive methods may actually ensure surviving emotionally and physically through challenging and threatening times. BUT…Years pass, however, and though we are now safe, these walls and other defensive mechanisms remain, and may sabotage our personal and professional lives. The wall is no longer needed, but it has become habitual.

Today I am not going to ask or suggest that you break down your walls. Instead I’m going to ask that you take a good look at them. Own them. Admit that they are there. You’ll realize that they are pretty thick and that you can’t see what’s on the other side.

The walls that were once your protection are now your prison. They are holding you back from moving forward. You have tremendous potential within you. Look up. Can you see the sun shining? See that blue sky? There’s a whole world on the other side of those walls waiting to meet you.

https://www.facebook.com/abreathofheaven/posts/862695903771894

March 10, 2015

I thought that leaving an abusive marriage after 24 years was hard. Even more difficult was when their father refused to reply to the children’s texts. But last week threw me a curve ball. The hardest thing I have yet to face. The words I heard coming out of my daughters lips. Never did I ever imagine it could or would happen to my family. I knew what I had to do. I knew what the right thing was, but that doesn’t make it any easier. Just because it’s right, Doesn’t make it easy. I had to make the call. I had to tell them what I knew and what I’ve been told.

Here I am, newly single mom, sole-provider… Financially, emotionally and any other “ly” necessary. Here I am trying to be strong, yet so broken. I don’t remember the last night I remained sober. Some things you just don’t want to think about or remember. I have to be strong for my daughter, but yet I know in my heart this means I have lost a son. The pain of knowing the truth isn’t as hard as the pain of the precious memories I have.

I thought about Going to get on antidepressants… But I’m already numb, I already sleep well from mental and physical exhaustion… I don’t need anything that’ll suppress the sex drive… That’s my only release! Oh … To be able to start life over, wouldn’t that be grand?