Category: Entrepreneur

I can’t change that

July 7, 2014

Back to a busy work week. This week I will work on bringing structure back to our lives. After I’ve been able to do that, to where I am comfortable with the way things are flowing; THEN I will be able to work on me. Kids are so resilient. I’m not saying they are not affected. I am saying, they bounce back well. The younger ones, that is. My 13yr old daughter is struggling. She witnessed the entire happenings. Yet that is her Daddy, and like any normal child, she didn’t want her Daddy to go so far away. I keep waiting for my 5yr old to ask when Daddy will be coming home, but he hasn’t, not yet.
I took a few days to think and clear my head as best as I could before I responded to my oldest daughters vicious letter. Today I will send her my response. I do not know what the outcome will be, but that is one thing I am choosing to not focus on. She is an adult and makes her own choices. I can not change that. Wow. I should carry this thought over into my failed marriage. “He is an adult, and makes his own choices and I can not change that.” Wow. I felt a little pressure lift just then. Thank you WP blogging! For a place where I can get this out, and see it laid out in front of me.
Happy Monday!

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Just a Rant

I have often considered getting a “normal” job, an 8-5 5 days a week job, but I know I could not make the same amount of money! Some days I work 14 hours other days I work 3. And sometimes I’m actually “off”.  Yes, it’s hard work. Yes, I’m still tired. But it’s worth it in the end.

Television and media make Entrepreneurs look glamorous. They do not show the dirt, the grime, the sweat and the work it took to get to their end result. Although my self-employed job is not my first choice, it was a devoted choice that has taken a lot of perseverance and hard work. We started with literally $.00 in our pockets… We started from scratch and kept On scratching. We’ve not attained the “end desire” but we are close. Days like today are a challenge to my thoughts. I want to flip off the big-wigs while I work 10 hours doing all the work.
Is it worth it? Oh yes! VERY worth it!! My schedule normally consists of working Tuesday through Thursday for approximately 5-6 hours. Although for the past 2 weeks we have been working Monday- Friday 6-10 hours. This is also a good thing, it means we are growing and going to a new (more $) stage. It will “even out” and I will be back to my “normal” hours. But until
Then, I wanted to rant about the hard work.
Sincerely,
One tired, whiney titty baby

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I stopped to smell the rose

I stopped to smell the rose

The past is behind me,

The future is before me;

They are both trying to steal today.

I am one person. Who has been handed everything. It’s time for “everything” to take a number and get in line. It will get done. Maybe not as fast as I or anyone else wants, but it will get done.
I have so many emotions going through me. They are all trying to come out at once. So I am going to attempt to get them out here.
Anger.

I am so angry with myself for hanging on for so long! I’m angry for agreeing to not pursue child-support. I might end up really regretting that later. I’m angry because he upped and left, moving 12 hrs away. The day before our son’s 16th birthday. I’m angry because of all the house repairs I’m left with that he would never fix. And I’m angry because I haven’t won the lottery yet, that sure would come in handy right now.

Overwhelmed.

I am extremely overwhelmed with the load I’ve been handed. The family business, sole provider for our children, taxi service for kids, and so much more, not to mention being a mom. Oh, and Dad, now.

Bitter.

I am bitter & resentful. I have contempt for the father of my children.

Hurt.

I am hurt and empty. So empty. I gave my all. Every ounce of my energy into making the marriage work. For example. I planned an anniversary trip to see his favorite MLB baseball team play a home game. The entire time we were there, it was all about him. I bought the tickets, I paid for the hotel, the gas, everything, souvenirs, etc. I even wrote him a poem, which he shredded in my face on the day after our return home. He gave me nothing for our anniversary. This was 5 days ago. When we got back, he even complained about some very intimate things.

Relieved.

It’s a relief to know he is 12 hours away and I don’t need to worry about him stopping by.
I’m a woman, so I’m entitled to be angry and relieved for the same reason. :)

Everyone asks how I am. I will quote you my exact reply,

“I am a mess. I do not regret my decision. But I am exhausted and overwhelmed. But I will be ok, thanks for asking.”

Coming to the end of this day, at a customer’s house, I was reminded to stop and smell this rose. A beautiful budding yellow rose. My favorite color and favorite flower.