I’ve been bottled up for quite some timeI was beginning to wonder if I had lost my tears

Or if I’d forgotten how to cry
My daughter said today, “you used to be so happy ”

But I couldn’t tell her half the reasons why I lost my smile 

She’d feel guilty and regret her confessions.
So I pawned it off in her two hoodlum brothers who can’t seem to stay off of drugs or out of trouble … Yeah, them… They’re the reason I stay exhausted and emotionless 
But the truth is due to a combination of things…
This week I sifted through the belongings of my son… The one in prison… I wasn’t prepared for that walk down memory lane.

This evening I called he sheriff on my 2 “hoodlum” no s for smoking pot out back….
I have so many goals … So many dreams… This is not how my family was supposed to turn out… 

I still have more goals and dreams but am finding it harder and harder to see how they can or will be accomplished.
So tonight … It happened… 
I cried
Everything bottled up started to ooze out… Just enough so that I could tighten the seal back up.

So
Here I sit. 

Emotionless again.